


somedays he loved us

by LiberAmans214



Category: Supernatural
Genre: (in the middle), Angry Dean Winchester, Castiel & Sam Winchester Friendship, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Castiel is Jack Kline's Parent, Castiel is a Winchester (Supernatural), Crying Jack Kline, Dead Castiel (Supernatural), Dean Winchester Being an Asshole, Dean Winchester Needs Therapy, Dean Winchester Needs a Hug, Family Feels, Gen, Hurt Dean Winchester, It's a hug filled ending, Jack Kline & Sam Winchester Friendship, Jack Kline Angst, Jack Kline Feels, Jack Kline Gets a Hug, M/M, Post - Castiel's death, Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair, Protective Sam Winchester, Sam Winchester Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:15:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27487153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiberAmans214/pseuds/LiberAmans214
Summary: “Dean.”Jack sounds terrified.“Hey, kid.” Dean’s mouth twists in a grimace. He’s about to excuse himself — or try to anyways, since Sam probably wouldn’t take too kindly to Dean fleeing to the undeniable loneliness of their whiskey cabinet after about an hour of intermittent crying, and a lot of it into his brother’s stupid shirt too (Dean’s not proud of it either) as he told him about Cas. He’d probably try to force some grub down Dean’s throat instead. Hell, maybe even let go of his shiny, new hippie handbook and fry Dean some real fucking grief bacon.And it wouldn’t really work to go against his brother at times like these. Sam always ends up (wordlessly) in charge when they lose family, andfuck,have they lost family today.Fuck, has Dean lost everything.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel & Jack Kline, Castiel & Sam Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 5
Kudos: 162





	somedays he loved us

**Author's Note:**

> coda for 15x18: despair. don't read if you're avoiding spoilers!!

Jack’s waiting in the corridor when Dean exits room 7B, followed by an exhausted looking Sam. Dean knows he looks like shit too — and it’s confirmed when Jack’s face falls even harder on seeing him.

“ _Dean_.”

He sounds terrified.

“Hey, kid.” Dean’s mouth twists in a grimace. He’s about to excuse himself — or try to anyways, since Sam probably wouldn’t take too kindly to Dean fleeing to the undeniable loneliness of their whiskey cabinet after about an hour of intermittent crying, and a lot of it into his brother’s stupid shirt too (Dean’s not proud of it either) as he told him about Cas. He’d probably try to force some grub down Dean’s throat instead. Hell, maybe even let go of his shiny, new hippie handbook and fry Dean some real fucking grief bacon.

And it wouldn’t really work to go against his brother at times like these. Sam always ends up (wordlessly) in charge when they lose family, and _fuck_ , have they lost family today.

Fuck, has Dean lost everything.

“Dean, I —” Jack exchanges a look with Sam, eyes flitting up and back to Dean’s, nervous as though for affirmation, and then he’s stepping forward, head bowed, eyebrows netted, and he’s hugging Dean.

Dean stiffens, but feels Jack’s resolution crumble almost immediately, and puts his hand on the kid’s back.

“It’s okay.” He hears himself mutter.

“I’m sorry.” Jack finishes, not letting go. He’s shorter, so it’s not like hugging the others. It’s almost like being held on to, and Jack’s fists curl desperately in Dean’s jacket, and his heart thuds against Dean’s ribs, evoking a fierce protectiveness in the mess of bleeding fragments that once made up Dean’s heart — he’s his _kid_ , and Cas’s kid, and Dean’s got to take care of him like he’s taken care of Sammy, of course he does — and it’s really, really nothing like hugging anyone else.

Dean holds him tight, closes his eyes, and lets out a shuddering breath.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“Tell me what?” Dean asks blankly, the answer hitting him a fraction of a second after he hears his own words.

The blood in his veins freezes.

“You _knew?”_

“I’m sorry,” Jack repeats, choked. He pulls away, takes a step back, and doesn’t meet Dean’s eyes. “I did. Castiel told me, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell any of you, he made me promise, and he told me I didn’t need to worry, and I —” His voice breaks. “I believed him. I’m sorry.”

Dean thinks he’s supposed to feel anger, but when he looks inside, all he finds is a blunt numbness. “You _believed_ him.”

“I’m really sorry.” Jack cries, and Dean notices Sam’s arm reaching to comfort the kid, but he stops him.

“Wait.” Dean tells his brother, and turns to Jack. He knows he’s wearing his iciest face, the glint in his eyes the most detached, and it’s not like he means to, but he can see it scares Jack. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

Jack falters.

“What is it?” Dean demands, and finally, as if in response, his anger flares. Cas is gone — gone forever — and the kid had known.

They could have fucking _saved_ him _._

“What’s the real reason, Jack?” Dean shouts, and his gut screams at him to do something harsher. He has to know why Jack wouldn’t tell them. The kid’s hiding something even now. “I know you didn’t trust shit. Why didn’t you tell us? Why didn’t you fucking tell —”

“Dean.” Sam warns, sounding pissed.

Dean couldn’t care less.

“Answer me, or I fucking swear.” Dean grits his teeth. “Why didn’t you _tell_ us, Jack —”

“ _Dean!_ ” Sam growls, cutting him off, and angrily pushing past to get to Jack. Dean jolts back to his senses when Sam rams into his side, and stares in shock at a red-faced Jack falling to his knees, crying.

“I’m sorry, I’m _sorry._ ” Jack begs, shaking uncontrollably as Sam tries to compose him, glaring furiously at Dean as he rubs Jack’s back. “I didn’t believe him, no, but I — I just didn’t want —”

Dean stays rooted to the spot, his face flushed as he violently blinks back a tear.

“I didn’t want you to think Castiel wasn’t happy with you.” Jack says, sobbing with every syllable in Sam’s arms. Sonuvabitch, Dean was a horrible person. “Because _you_ were, and _I_ was, and he was supposed to be, and I think he pretended sometimes, and that’s _hurtful_ , and I didn’t want you to feel deceived or betrayed, or hurt like I did, when I realized he was never happy with us.”

If Sam’s as flummoxed as Dean is, it doesn’t show on his face. (How does he keep it in, Dean wonders belatedly, vexed with admiration.)

“I know you — you thought he was family, and I _know_ you were both happy, and I just didn’t want you to hurt —” Jack’s voice cracks, and Sam squeezes him worriedly, at which he moves to bury himself in Sam’s chest.

Dean doesn’t realize when he fell to his knees either, staring at his brother and son.

Jack’s words got to him — his way of seeing this, the innocence, and the childlike fear in his voice pierces through Dean’s armor of rage and asshole-parenting-tendencies, and he breaks. He _breaks_ , and he spills, and Dean finds himself guiltily eyeing his brother and the sobbing child in his arms from eye-level, before he knows what to make of it.

“I knew it was my fault,” Jack’s still mumbling, dazed, between loud breaths. “My fault he wasn’t happy — I wasn’t enough — never good enough, strong enough — he wouldn’t say it, wouldn’t ever say it — but he could never be happy because of _me_ —”

“It’s not you, Jack.” Sam promises, wringing himself dry of sincerity in saying it. “Never been you.”

“S'not you.” Dean adds, voice trembling, and Sam looks up with red-rimmed eyes from a couple feet away, smile one of the saddest Dean’s ever seen on him, and he gestures him closer.

Dean blinks, but he goes.

He’s _done_ being destructive, he’s fucking tired of causing pain to the people he loves, and he trusts Sam — trusts him to be right, trusts him to be in control, and Sam’s asking him to come closer and hug Jack, so it must help in making things right.

Dean drags himself to them, ashamed of himself.

“Cas loved you, Jack.” Sam swears, steady and true, speaking over Jack’s agitated muttering, and finally, Jack stops.

“He loved you very much.” Sam says again, promises it, and Jack curls into himself again, crying more quietly now. Dean can’t take it, and he puts his own hand on the kid’s shoulder — uncertain, but braving past it when Jack flinches, and Dean exchanges a mildly reassuring glance with Sam before hugging Jack too.

Sam’s voice quivers the third time he says it. “He loved all of us.”

And Dean reaches for his little brother, his brave, _brave_ little brother, and pulls him into the hug too. A tear rolls down Sam’s cheek as he does the same, Jack remaining hugged between them — slowly shifting so he holds onto them both.

Sam’s words ring in Dean’s ears as the three of them stay, wrapped in each other’s arms and safety as they mourn Castiel, Angel of the Lord, _hero_ , and a Winchester forever. Family, until the end of time.

They echo in his hollow chest until he comes apart again.

_Cas loved you._ _He loved you very much._

**Author's Note:**

> kinda made myself cry writing this. castiel needs to come back. god, i hope he does.  
> hope you had a good read. let me know?


End file.
